Dear Sandy, I was at a BBQ and my 7 year old daughter wanted a toy in the grass. She pushed, or moved a 3 year old boy out of the way. The boy did not fall, was not physically hurt, and was not crying. The boy’s mother saw what happened. She rushed over and told my daughter not to push her son, stay away from him, and called her a witch. I said to the mom, “If my daughter did something wrong, could we please talk about it.” The mom walked back to the patio with her son and ignored me. I walked over to the patio and tried again. I spoke in a calm manner and she repeated how her son was treated. My husband chimed in and said, “What is wrong with you?” Then the shouting began. We left the party. Sandy, what would you have done in this situation? Sincerely, Dianna
Dear Dianna, I am so sorry to hear about your experience. I like how you asked the mom to discuss what happened. I would first add a clarifying statement such as, “I saw what happened. Is you son okay?” and then your proposal to discuss what happened. If she is still resistant to discussing it, and after that unfortunate shouting match, I would either go to another area of the yard and talk to the party host or I would leave the party.
I respect your husband for standing up for his family, however he used a “You” statement, when he said, “What’s wrong with you?” This caused her to feel attacked and invoked a negative response which was shouting. He might have been more effective if he had said, “My daughter is crying. I would like to resolve the situation.”
If you have a copy of my book you will find information regarding your situation on pages 1-6, 17-18, 32, and 50. I wish you good mental health! Regards, Sandy
